Ep 16: Creatively Processing Grief
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Perfectionist in Recovery
Creatively Processing Grief
Hello and welcome back to the Perfectionist in Recovery Podcast, my name is Marcy Parks and I am a perfectionist in recovery.
For today’s episode, I wanted to talk about grief and your creative practice. But before we get started, I wanted to take the time again to say thank you for being here and thank you for listening. I am so grateful to those of you tuning in to share your time with me each week and for supporting my work and this podcast. I enjoy getting to share this podcast, and I couldn’t do that without your support. To those of you that have shared your feedback with me this week, thank you so much! As you know, your feedback makes this podcast more enjoyable for you to listen to. If you have feedback that you would like to share, please send me a message on instagram at @Marcyparksart or go to my website at www.marcyparksart.com and submit your feedback through the contact form there. If you are already enjoying this podcast and want to continue to support the podcast, like, share, follow, subscribe on whatever streaming platform you are using and leave a review on apple podcasts! Reviews are the best and easiest way to support the podcast. You can find links to leave reviews on my website on my podcast page, or at the bottom of the transcripts for every episode on my blog at marcyparksart.com.
Now, let’s get into it!
This week’s episode is a little personal, well, a lot personal, rather, but I wanted to share my experience in case what I share could be of benefit to anyone else having a hard time right now.
This week, my dad passed away. Though he has been in hospice care for some time now suffering from late stage emphysema and COPD, and I knew this was coming, it still came as a bit of a surprise. I had just gone to see him in Chattanooga last week and, though he was not in great shape, he was bright eyed, alert, playful, and had energy. But, it seems he declined rather rapidly and passed away 6 days later.
For those of you that know me well, you know that my relationship with my dad was complicated, to say the least, but if anything that just makes this process of grieving all the more messy. My dog, my first born, my first love, my soulmate, also passed away this year back in April, so my dad passing is also making me revisit a lot of my heartbreak and grief around her passing as well.
But what is really helping me to get through this deep well of emotion right now is my creative practice. I have written more in the last two days than I have in months. I went swimming for the first time since the pandemic began and it felt so good to be back in the water - that alone could have made me cry. I have been taking breaks throughout my day to add to my art journal. Sometimes, just pages of scribbles, sometimes poems, sometimes just colors. I spent the last two days taking photos for my art, a necessary thing, but also something I enjoy doing when I can take my time to do it.
The timing of the universe can be so funny, and also really not funny. I just shared recently on my instagram a painting from my new collection of smaller abstract works on paper called “Messy Moments” that I am planning to release in November. I shared in the post that these paintings are my way of capturing and sharing the feelings around “messy moments” - moments that leave you so inspired that you are at a loss for words, but at the same time leave you with only cuss words. The pandemic has been one long messy moment for me. It was during the first week of the shutdown, back in April, when everyone and everything was on pause, that my dog died. She had bladder cancer and we finally had to take her in to be put down. It was devastating and I still cry about it regularly, but I was also thankful that I had that last week leading up to her last day to give her my full attention. I took her to all of our favorite places, let her swim in the lake - which she also loved, fed her lots of chicken sandwiches and chicken nuggets and french fries, and really just got to enjoy our final days together. I didn’t have to wrestle with guilt about missing work to take that time with her, nor for taking time afterwards to mourn her.
And, before I go further, I do want to take a moment to say that I in no way want to trivialize the pandemic and what this experience has been like for people. Over 217,000 people have died from COVID19, the rates of overdose have skyrocketed in communities of people suffering from addiction, people of color are being disproportionately affected by the pandemic only highlighting the systemic racism in our medical system, people are losing their homes, parents are struggling to do virtual learning and work full time and having to make difficult choices about sending their kids back to in-person schooling or leaving their jobs, and this is just what we know. I am certain that we will not know just how devastating this period has been until much later.
For our family, the pandemic has been a mixed bag of tragedy and tenderness. This is another one of those moments where I, and my family, am devastated by loss, but I am grateful to know my dad is no longer suffering and I am grateful for the space to mourn and grieve.
What I am most grateful for at this time is the memoir class that I am participating in that started just a few weeks ago. When I say the universe can be funny and also not so funny at times, is because this memoir class has been something I have been looking forward to since the early summer and Carolyn, the woman leading this class, postponed it for the fall instead.*Quick shout out to Carolyn - she leads journaling workshops, memoir classes, vision board workshops and so much more. I love everything she does. You can look her up on facebook at Wordcatching.* It also worked out that the class is with a group of women that I know, trust, and admire deeply, so I feel comfortable sharing honest, open work. I was already exploring my family history as part of this course, so this has really given me the opportunity to write through a lot of the complicated history that I share with my dad - and not only write through it, but to also have a safe space to share it with supportive, thoughtful, and inspiring women.
But what I want to share with you all and really emphasize here is how beneficial having a creative practice can be in helping to process grief and navigating challenging times. In 2020, we are all grieving something or someone - whether it is the loss of your home, the loss of a loved one, the loss of routine, or the loss of feelings of security, whatever it is - we are all grieving. You can start now to develop a creative habit if you don’t have one. It can be as simple as taking a walk every day. I am thinking back to what Brian Serway shared in last week’s episode about starting out drawing every day - he was saying that when you get in the habit of doing something creative every day, it becomes as natural as brushing your teeth every day. My creative practices have been a lifeline for me in the last three days and because I have already made a strong habit out of them and they are already such a natural part of my day, I literally just fell into them. After I got the news my dad passed away, and Searsha was in bed, without even thinking, I just started writing.
All of that is to say, GET A JOURNAL! Ha! I am just kidding, but I am also not.
Journaling Prompt:
For those of you that have a journaling practice and would like a journaling prompt or for those of you that want to start a journaling practice and want some inspiration, the journaling prompt for this week:
Make a timeline of major life points or moments. You can draw a long line down the middle of the page in your journal. On the right side of the line, list years or dates of major events starting with the date of your birth to the present. On the left side of the line, write your feelings about those events.
Using your timeline, if there is a specific date that feels rather poignant for you, write about it further in the next pages.
And as always, if you haven't already, you can check out the Free Self-Discovery Journal Guide on my website at Marcyparksart.com to get some inspiration there. In the guide you will receive a journaling prompt, affirmations, and artist activities to fuel your creative practice.
Otherwise, that is all I have for you today. I hope this podcast finds you well, safe, and supported. Thank you for being here, thank you for listening, thank you for sharing this space with me. Until next time!
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