Ep 02: A Whole Creative Human

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Perfectionist in Recovery

A Whole Creative Human

[00:00:01] Hello and welcome.

[00:00:03] My name is Marcy Parks, and you are listening to the Perfectionist and Recovery podcast. Today, I wanted to continue the discussion around creativity by sharing a little bit more about what creativity is, what it feels like, why it is worth your time and how to fuel it.

[00:00:28] So just to begin, creativity is our ability to imagine. To inspire. It's our ability to innovate, to dream. I talked a lot about this in the first episode, but just sort of revisiting a lot of those things. It's our ability to communicate. It's our ability to adapt to changes. It's our ability to evolve. And it's our ability to problem solve. Creativity is how we initiate progress.

[00:01:06] I like to think of it as what keeps a culture and its people evolving, and, in turn, surviving. That being said, you can see how creativity is really necessary right now, as well as how it's even being used and expressed right now with the current climate in America. And what I'm referring to when I say climate is mostly the Black Lives Matter movement and the attention that's being called to systemic racism and white supremacy in America and in the people of America. So we are at an evolutionary tipping point. You could even say as a culture, as a country, we are being asked to come up with creative alternatives to the current systems that are in place, that are enforcing racism and upholding white supremacist and racist ideologies. We can see and even participate in creative discussions taking place around reform, specifically police reform, as well as conversations around defunding the police, and conversations around abolishing the police altogether. So when I think about culturally where, and I'll speak for myself, where I was at two years ago, abolishing the police was a foreign concept. But now it's this idea that's been introduced to me because somebody out there has been using their creativity to think of solutions to the problems we are currently experiencing and the though, "hey, what would the world look like without police if we came up with a different system?" So the discussions currently happening are an example of how creativity keeps a culture evolving.

[00:03:08] So we're at this place where we recognize that changes need to be made and we're coming up with creative solutions. Some solutions are better than others. I'm not going to say what's better than the other because I don't know. I need to do my own research, or maybe even dream up some of my own ideas (though I am much more interested in the thoughts and words of Black Women right now) before I can make those statements. But you can see how, collectively, right now we're in this very creative point where we have the opportunity to come up with and create a different reality that is more equitable to everyone.

[00:03:46] So that gives you an idea sort of what creativity is, what its nature is, what it looks like. Now, a common roadblock I think People run into a lot, is this idea of what creativity looks like in their heads. There might be an idea of what creativity looks like and this idea that it's reserved just for artists. I hear a lot of people often say, "I'm not an artist," or "I am not creative," and they usually say those things together. And I just want to make clear that creativity isn't just for artists. It's not. Creativity isn't an artist's thing. It's a human thing. Humans, by their very nature, are creative. We are really, we're creating all the time. It's just mostly in unconscious ways that we might not notice. But, when we are in conversation with a person, we are literally creating the dialogue that we're having in the exchange. When we are cooking, we're creating a sensory experience. We're creating this a meal that is to be tasted, to be smelled, to be felt, and even creating the memory that comes from that meal. When we're reading books, we are, if you're like me anyway, creating images to accompany the words and the narrative. When we are fixing something broken, we're creating a solution. We're creating an alternative to what was. Sometimes the solution is as easy as replacing a light bulb, and sometimes it means you're going to have to rewire the whole house, but we are still creating.

[00:05:57] I like to use my oldest brother, Chad, as an example. Shout out to Chad, he'll probably never listen to this. Chad is more business minded. He's a numbers guy and he is not somebody that identifies as being creative or artist artistic, but he is an entrepreneur and therefore he is probably one of the most creative creatives because he is creating entire structures from nothing. He's literally creating a building that wasn't there before, or a service that didn't previously exist in a community. He is solving problems multiple times a day. In that way, entrepreneurs are are especially creative people, no matter what the nature of their business may be.

[00:07:03] By claiming not to be an artist, though, we deny a very real part of ourselves, and there are, of course, implications from that action. When you deny your creative nature or your creative essence and affirm to yourself that you are not creative and that you are not an artist, you are fracturing and severing off a whole part of yourself, your fracturing, your identity as a whole human.

[00:07:37] So to be a whole human would be to embrace your creative side, but when we deny our creative side, and ignore that part of ourselves, our creativity will still manifest. It doesn't go away, but our creative nature will sort of turn inward on itself and can potentially manifest in more negative ways. One of those being in the form of anxiety.

[00:08:06] So if we think about how anxiety works, and I'm going to speak from my own experience with anxiety, but my anxiety is very imaginative and very creative, not to brag. My anxiety will come up with tons of imaginary scenarios and situations that are all particularly stress inducing. And,. of course, my anxiety just ends up feeding more anxiety. I will end up spiraling more and more into imaginary stress inducing scenarios that continue to build and feed off of one another and each one is more creative than the last. That being said, you can see that anxiety is a great example of the way creativity works.

[00:08:56] It also can manifest in the form of unfair or uninformed comparisons. If you've ever had the experience of scrolling through social media and seeing someone's highlight feed of photos and creating a narrative around what their life must be like based on these photos, and then feeling the need to compare your life to that person's life. That can be another way in which your creativity can manifest in a less healthy way.

[00:09:41] In addition to anxiety and comparison, depression can also follow. When you are creative and have denied your creative nature, and are ignoring a valid need and not feeding it, it can be easy, and again I am speaking for myself and from my own experience, to slip into a depressive state or a depressive episode because you are denying your own expression. It's a lot like denying a child of their joy.

[00:10:14] Our creative nature is very childlike. Our inner artist is perhaps most easily identified as our inner child. If you think about it, children are so creative. I mean, the stuff that my daughter comes up with in her imagination is just so fun and and wild and off the charts. If you have spent anytime around children, you can see how children are super creative beings. So, if our inner artist is our inner child and you tell your inner child "no" too many times, they get really sad and they start to act out. And as a mother to an almost three year old, when all my daughter hears is "no" all day, she starts to act out. So she serves as a great mirror for me to see my inner artist. I can see my inner artist through her. I can see that when I deny my creative impulses to frequently and too often I can get really moody, I can get really, really irritable.

[00:11:41] And for me, that's how my depression manifests. I get irritable, I get moody. And just overall, not so pleasant to be around.

[00:11:51] So that is why it's necessary for us as creative beings, as inherently creative beings, to feed and give time to and give attention to our creative practice.

[00:12:08] And again, creativity isn't just making art. Like I said, it can even just be cooking. It can be cooking something new. It can be reading a new book. It can be going on an adventure. Think about what your inner child would want to do. And what you like to do as a child? What were some things that you had interest in doing? For me, it was swimming. I've loved swimming my whole life. I loved to play in the pool. It was one of my most favorite things. I would literally live in the pool. The ends of my hair used to turn green because I literally stayed in the pool for as long as possible. Kind of gross, but anyway. I would play in the pool and I would pretend to be a mermaid and swim to the bottom of the pool to have tea parties and discover buried treasure and pirate ships and swim away from sharks and all of these crazy things. So swimming is something that engages my inner child. It's that imaginative free play. But as adults, what does it mean to play? As adults, are we even encouraged to play? I feel like in our culture, as we get older and we arrive at "adulthood" we lose connection to our ability to play, and so much of our creativity and our our inner artist is there rooted in our ability to play.

[00:14:05] All that is to say that creativity is necessary to our sense of wholeness.

[00:14:16] And it's necessary for healthy expression. And in my experience and for myself, creative expression and a creative practice is absolutely necessary to my mental and emotional wellness.

ACTIONABLE ITEMS

BEGIN A JOURNALING PRACTICE!

[00:14:37] So for this episode, I do want to leave you with something that you can do today to start on your path to rehabilitating your inner artist and reconnecting with your creative spirit. For this episode, I recommend beginning a journaling practice. If you're not a writer, you don't have to be to have a journal and to journal, the reason that I think it's necessary to write and to journal is because our minds are so full with background chatter all the time that we don't even pay attention to or notice what is being said or what narratives are on loop in our mind.

[00:15:51] By writing down our thoughts, not only are we getting them out and making room for other things, but by writing them down, we're also paying attention and become aware of what is playing on loop in our mind. Writing and journaling as a regular practice helps you to get those things out of your head so that they're not taking up space. It helps you to pay attention to what thoughts are on loop and what thoughts are being repeated because the words we speak to ourselves are important.

[00:17:05] Journaling is also important because so much of our attention can be focused on something and when we write it down, we don't have to focus on remembering it.

[00:17:13] So, for example, some days I don't have time to journal. Some days I don't have the energy or a lot to say, but I've got a list. And so writing down lists for me becomes a common part of my journaling practice because getting the list down frees up mental space.

[00:17:31] GUIDELINES AROUND YOUR JOURNALING PRACTICE:

1. MAKE IT A SUSTAINABLE ROUTINE!

[00:17:37] First of all, make it routine. So I am taking this idea from Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way" book, which I referenced in my last episode. In Julia Cameron's book, "The Artist's Way", it's set up in a 12 week format and each week there are different assignments and journaling prompts, but every day your assignment is the same and that is to write your morning pages.

[00:18:04] For Julia Cameron, morning pages are first thing in the morning. You wake up and you journal three pages of stream of consciousness.

[00:18:14] In this case, I'm not going to say that you have to get up first thing in the morning and write three pages, but if that's sustainable for you, do it. Instead, I am going to suggest making it part of your routine in a way that is sustainable for you. For me, it's harder to commit to seven days a week, especially first thing in the morning, because I have a little one. And when she gets up, especially when she's going to daycare, we're usually active in getting her ready to go and everything else and I like to spend my mornings with her. I enjoy sharing the morning with her.

[00:19:04] So, make it routine for you in a sustainable way. What is something that you can sustain? For me, it's easier to commit to three days a week than it is to commit to seven days a week. It's also easier for me to commit to three days a week in the evenings than it is three days a week in the mornings. So, look at your schedule and play around with it. Try waking up first thing in the morning and doing it that way. If that doesn't seem to work for you, if you miss a few days and you start to sink into those self-defeating thoughts, try it in the afternoon on your lunch break instead. Try it in the evening before bed, but just try it. And if you can't make seven days a week, try five, try four, try three, try two. If it's just one, it's just one, but make it part of your routine.

2. BE FLEXIBLE!

[00:19:59] Three pages is a lot to ask, especially depending on the size of the journal, so if it's not sustainable for you to write a full three pages, don't. If you have nothing to say, write that and move on. Let go of any expectations or hard and fast rules around what this is supposed to be. For me, a lot of times my journal is just lists of things that I need to get done because those are the things that take up the most space in my brain. Now, of course there are days where I have a lot that is on my mind, so on those days I write more, but otherwise, it's whatever is prominent in my mind at that time.

[00:21:28] Don't have any expectations around what you're supposed to be writing, just write.

3. DON’T CRITIQUE IT!

[00:21:38] Third guideline: don't critique it. Don't try and refrain from getting into your perfectionist mind and worrying or stressing out over the proper use of a semicolon or where's this comma supposed to go or whatever else. Don't write this with the expectation that your great, great, great, great grandchildren are going to discover it and read it. Write this just as you are in the moment, messy, sloppy, whatever that is, not worrying about anybody seeing it.

JOURNALING PROMPT

[00:22:28] Journaling Prompt for this week:What did play look like for you as a child? How did you play? What did you play with? What did you enjoy doing? What did play look like for you as a child?

[00:23:24] And What display look like for you now as an adult? Where does play manifest in your life? Where do you make time or space for play? How do you play?

[00:23:57] In the answers to those questions are going to be some of the solutions to reconnecting with your creative spirit.

Ready to take the first step in your creative recovery?

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Marcy ParksJuly 3, 2020Transcript, Podcast Transcript, Perfectionist in Recovery